Grief and trauma are two of the most complex and misunderstood human experiences. If you have experienced grief and/or trauma, have felt the weight of loss, heartbreak, or those tough moments when life throws a curveball and feel along in your experience, here’s why:
Society often brushes over what it actually feels like to live with grief or the long-lasting effects of trauma.
Social and cultural conditioning play a big role in this. But it’s also normal human behaviour to avoid the pain, to push aside the discomfort. Our pain can also sometimes trigger others and make them feel uncomfortable, and so, as a protective reflex, they want to dismiss it or push it aside.
When it comes to healing, the only way is through: through the pain, through the discomfort because peace and expansion is on the other side. So, let's unpack the most common myths around trauma and grief that need some serious debunking.
1️⃣ Grief is supposed to follow a linear path
One of the biggest lies we’ve all been told is that grief comes with a timeline. You've heard it before: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance—the five stages. Except, grief is anything but linear. It’s messy, it loops, and some days it feels like you're right back at square one.
Research has shown that grieving people may cycle through emotions at random, and sometimes skip stages altogether. The idea of a "grieving period" can also be toxic. According to a study by the American Psychological Association (APA), there’s no average timeline for grief recovery, and trying to put one in place can do more harm than good.
Every journey through grief is so highly individual. There is no right length of time. In fact, I argue that grieving a loved one never ends. Jamie Anderson sums it up best:
“Grief, I’ve learned, is really just love. It’s all the love you want to give, but cannot. All that unspent love gathers up in the corners of your eyes, the lump in your throat, and in that hollow part of your chest. Grief is just love with no place to go.”
It’s the passage of time that perhaps dulls the sharp edges of pain, but really in my experience, the grief is always there. Drop the expectation that it should magically go away. It’s part of you and your experience. You can integrate it in such a way that you find peace. But the grief will remain.
2️⃣ Everyone grieves in the same way
Grief doesn’t have a one-size-fits-all approach, but that’s hard to grasp for many. Some people cry their eyes out. Others bury themselves in work. You might meet people who seem fine on the outside, only to realise that they are silently battling their own emotional storm.
Working with clients this has been one of the top factors that cause disconnect between people grieving – one doesn’t understand the way the other is working through it or handling it. There is a big need to foster respect each person’s way of navigating this experience. There is no right or wrong.
Research from The Lancet found that cultural and societal factors greatly influence how grief is expressed. For instance, some cultures encourage public displays of emotion, while others prioritise stoicism. All I have to say here is: lean into the cultural /religious/spiritual/societal beliefs and rituals that best support your healing. Leave the rest behind, this is your journey and there is not a right or wrong way to go about it!
3️⃣ The best way to help is to say: “I know how you feel”
Spoiler alert: you probably don’t know how they feel, even if you have had a similar experience. And that’s okay! What people in grief often need is validation, not comparison.
Studies from grief counsellors worldwide (and in my own experience), saying “I know how you feel” can invalidate someone's unique experience. Instead, try saying, “I’m here for you” or “I can’t imagine how hard this must be.” Even a simple “I’m sorry for your loss” will do.
4️⃣ Grief is only about death
Grief is complex and isn't just about losing a loved one. Breakups, job loss, moving to a new place, even letting go of an old version of yourself—grief has a lot of faces. One study from Psychology Today revealed that 22% of people who seek grief counselling do so for life changes unrelated to death.
Whatever you’re grieving, know that you’re also undergoing deep transformation.
5️⃣ Grief means you should feel sad all the time
Here’s the thing: grief doesn’t mean you’re constantly drowning in sorrow. There will be moments of joy, even in the darkest time of loss, and that’s perfectly normal.
Many people feel guilty when they experience happiness during the grieving process, as if it somehow diminishes the significance of their loss. Or as is they are not allowed to feel joy or happiness because they are grieving. But grief is a mix of emotions, and it’s okay to laugh, smile, or even feel relieved. All feelings are valid. Acknowledging and honouring your full spectrum of emotions is always beneficial, but during grief this can actually aid healing rather than hindering it.
1️⃣ Trauma is always extreme and visible
When we think of trauma, most of us picture dramatic events—war zones, natural disasters, or major accidents. But trauma can also be subtle and deeply personal.
Emotional neglect, bullying, or growing up with toxic family dynamics can have equally lasting impacts. In fact, research found that over 70% of people experience trauma at least once in their lives, and much of it is rooted in personal relationships or childhood experiences. Trauma doesn’t have to be extreme to be real.
2️⃣ You can “just get over” trauma
We’ve all heard some variation of “time heals all wounds.” Well, sorry to break it to you, but time alone doesn’t always heal trauma. As with grief it can dull the edges of the pain, but trauma lives in the body and the mind, often on a subconscious level.
Unresolved trauma is linked to long-term mental health issues like depression and anxiety. And, without proper healing or support, those unresolved feelings can linger and manifest in unexpected ways—chronic stress, physical pain, addictions, chronic illness or destructive relationship patterns.
3️⃣ Trauma is a personal failing
Another dangerous misconception is that trauma somehow reflects personal weakness. People often think, "If only I were stronger, I wouldn't have been affected." Let’s shut this down once and for all.
Trauma is not a sign of weakness. It’s a response to something overwhelming or terrifying. Period. In fact, trauma responses are your body’s way of keeping you safe—it’s how your nervous system adapts to survive.
Global studies reveal that trauma affects the brain’s neural pathways, making it impossible to “just snap out of it.” Healing is a journey, not a sprint.
4️⃣ Trauma only affects mental health
It’s easy to think of trauma as something that only impacts your emotions or mental state, but it goes way beyond that. Trauma can and often does show up physically in the body.
Studies from Harvard Medical School indicate that trauma survivors frequently experience chronic pain, digestive issues, and autoimmune diseases. This is because trauma often activates the fight-or-flight response, which can lead to inflammation and long-term damage to the body.
Both grief and trauma experiences also create energetic imprints, and these imprints in your field of resonance or auric field can influence so many things for you energetically. You can be bound, held back, stuck and so much more on an energetic level from these experiences.
That is why when healing trauma (and grief) attention needs to be given to the mind, body and soul in a holistic approach.
5️⃣ Trauma means you are permanently broken
Here’s a harsh misconception: if you’ve been through trauma, you’re somehow “damaged goods.” This couldn’t be further from the truth. You are always whole!
From a spiritual perspective, trauma doesn’t break you—it reveals the layers of healing and growth that are waiting to emerge. You are not defined by what has happened to you, nor are you broken or incomplete. At your core, you are always whole, always connected to a deeper truth that transcends pain. Trauma may create cracks in the surface, but those cracks are where the light of transformation and renewal can shine through. Your soul remains untouched, resilient, and fully capable of rising, stronger and more radiant than ever.
And so while trauma can FEEL LIKE it breaks you down, know that many people emerge from the process stronger, more self-aware, and more resilient, if they choose to step into healing. And we always have a choice. That is why so many people report some level of personal growth and expansion following their trauma and/or grief experiences.
Grief and trauma are universal experiences, but the way we process them is deeply personal. So, know that you are always whole, you deserve to heal, and that you are allowed to heal in your own time and in your own way!
With love from my soul to yours,
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