Life is a journey of continuous transformation, and every experience, whether joyful or challenging, shapes who we are. When we go through trauma or grief, it can feel like we're facing an insurmountable storm. But these experiences also offer us an opportunity for profound personal growth. There are gifts waiting for us in our darkest experiences, we just have to open ourselves up to them.
Grief or trauma is an experience that whips you right out from the life you were in and plonks you into an alien terrain. You are no longer the person you once were, living the life you once were. Everything has changed; the trauma or grief serves as an indelible marker splitting your life into two parts: before and after.
While it’s easy to think of grief and trauma as events that happen to us, what if we viewed these experiences as catalysts for change? What if we flipped the script and decided to lean into what these experiences have to offer us, instead of only focusing on what they have taken away.
The power of gratitude: shifting your perspective
When I was in university, one of the girls who was the leader of our on-campus residence and student council tragically passed away in a car accident. An excerpt from her diary was published in her funeral program. This was more than 20 years ago, but her words have stuck with me all these years and helped me to refocus when experiences have had me on my knees. She said: “Don’t look at what you’ve lost, look at what you’ve got.”
In the midst of grief or trauma, it's natural to focus on what we've lost. However, embracing gratitude can be a powerful tool for healing. By shifting our perspective to appreciate the good that remains in our lives—whether it's the support of loved ones, the lessons we've learned, or even the strength we've discovered within ourselves—we begin to nurture resilience. Gratitude doesn't diminish our pain but helps us find light in the darkest of times, reminding us that even in loss, there is something to be thankful for.
Acceptance vs. Resistance
Don’t think and don’t feel
That’s how you pretend this isn’t real
Don’t look, just turn away
Leave the problem for another day…..
It’s natural to resist the pain that comes with loss or hardship. We want to avoid discomfort, to escape the storm. True healing begins when we accept our emotions and experiences for what they are, when we can realise that our triggers are our teachers. It doesn’t mean we have to like them, but by accepting them, we stop resisting the flow of life and allow ourselves to move through the storm with a bit more ease and grace.
How our challenges shape us
One of my favourite quotes that beautifully captures this journey is from Haruki Murakami’s Kafka on the Shore:
"And once the storm is over, you won’t remember how you made it through, how you managed to survive. You won’t even be sure whether the storm is really over. But one thing is certain. When you come out of the storm, you won’t be the same person who walked in. That’s what this storm’s all about."
Murakami’s words remind us that the challenges we face change us in ways we might not fully understand, but those changes are what help us grow. You emerge from the storm not as the same person who walked in, but as someone stronger, wiser, and more connected to your true self.
How to start leaning into the AFTER:
This is a beautiful space where you get to discover you and step into who you are (or have become) after your trauma or grief experience.
🦋Awareness is always the first step…..and it’s so powerful to hold in your awareness how you have changed, how this event has shaped you, to recognise it and acknowledge it. We love to hang onto the BEFORE, but to move forward, we need to start leaning into the AFTER. The storm, whether it was a trauma, loss, or a deep grief, has reshaped you in ways you might not fully understand yet. And that's okay. We naturally resist change, even more so when it is forced upon us through circumstances that are out of our control. This is the time for beautiful release of what was and surrender to what now is.
🦋 Self-compassion is a key ingredient in any healing. Often, we are our harshest critics, especially when we feel vulnerable. Remind yourself that it's okay to not have all the answers. Allow yourself the grace to heal at your own pace. Celebrate small victories and cherish moments of peace.
🦋 Discovery is important, so really take time to reconnect with who you are now. Again, awareness is a great first step, but you can also meditate, journal, or simply sit in silence and listen to your inner voice. What is it telling you? What new passions or interests are bubbling up? Trust that inner guidance; it’s your soul speaking to you.
Trauma and grief often bring with them some new perspectives. Think about what activities or hobbies could bring you joy now. Maybe there is something you've always wanted to try but never had the chance, well now is the time to do it.. These small steps are important, and serve as a testament to your resilience and growth!
🦋 Self-honouring actions mean keeping yourself in alignment with what is good for you, and serves your best and highest good, as you work through the layers of healing. But it also means recognising that every step you've taken, every tear you’ve shed, and every small triumph you have achieved is part of your beautiful journey. Honour it. Create a ritual or a keepsake that symbolises your growth and transformation. It could be as simple as planting a tree or as complex as creating art. Creative expression is a very expansive self-honouring practice!
If you ever feel like sharing your story or need a shoulder, please reach out! I would also love to know if there are any specific topics or insights you would like to read about here. Pop me a mail and let me know!
Sending you all the love and healing energy!
With love from my soul to yours,
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PPS: If you ready to explore your own healing journey and reconnect with YOUR Light Within, book your FREE Radical Soul Reading to unlock your inner healing wisdom and open yourself up to soul truths, blocks and limitations. And if you are ready to dive straight into healing, I invite you to see how I can be of service to you on your journey.
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